Coping with Holiday Stress and Trauma Responses Around Family
The holiday season often conjures images of cozy family gatherings, joyful celebrations, and heartfelt traditions. But for many, the holidays are fraught with stress and emotional challenges, especially when family dynamics or past trauma come into play.
The holiday season often conjures images of cozy family gatherings, joyful celebrations, and heartfelt traditions. But for many, the holidays are fraught with stress and emotional challenges, especially when family dynamics or past trauma come into play. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Learning to navigate the season with compassion for yourself can make a significant difference. Here’s how to cope with holiday stress and trauma responses around family.
1. Understand the Sources of Holiday Stress
The holidays can be a minefield of stressors, from financial pressures to the unrealistic expectations of creating a “perfect” holiday. Family gatherings can amplify these challenges, especially if past conflicts or unresolved trauma exist. Identifying your stressors is a powerful first step. Are you anxious about hosting? Nervous about a relative's behavior? Or dreading conversations that may touch on sensitive topics? Awareness helps you prepare for the situations that trigger stress or trauma responses.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for protecting your mental health. Communicate your needs clearly and assertively, whether that means limiting the time you spend at family events, skipping certain gatherings, or choosing not to engage in specific topics of conversation. For instance, if political discussions or probing questions about your personal life tend to escalate, you can redirect or disengage by saying, “Let’s keep the conversation light for the holidays.” Boundaries are not selfish—they’re necessary for self-preservation.
3. Practice Self-Care
The holiday season can make self-care feel like an afterthought, but it’s vital to prioritize your well-being. Take time to recharge, even if that means stepping outside for fresh air, taking a walk, or scheduling quiet time for yourself. Self-care can also include therapy sessions, journaling, or relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises. When you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to handle external stressors.
4. Have an Exit Strategy
If family dynamics become overwhelming, have an exit plan ready. This could mean driving your vehicle to a gathering so you can leave if needed or arranging a code word with a friend who can help you de-escalate or provide support. It’s okay to leave situations that make you feel unsafe or emotionally drained. Your peace of mind takes priority.
5. Anticipate and Manage Triggers
Holidays can bring up memories or interactions that trigger past trauma, making it hard to stay present. Triggers might include certain family members, locations, or even traditions that remind you of difficult experiences. Prepare by recognizing potential triggers and developing coping mechanisms. Grounding techniques, such as focusing on your senses or practicing positive affirmations, can help you stay rooted in the moment.
6. Stay Close to Your Support System
You don’t have to navigate the holidays alone. Reach out to your trusted friends or a therapist for encouragement and validation. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with someone who understands can lighten the emotional burden.
7. Redefine Holiday Traditions
If traditional celebrations exacerbate stress or trauma, consider creating new ones that align with your needs and values. This could mean hosting, volunteering, or spending the day doing something you genuinely enjoy. Redefining what the holidays mean to you can be empowering and liberating.
8. Practice Gratitude While Honoring Your Feelings
Gratitude can be a powerful antidote to stress, but it’s not about ignoring difficult emotions. Instead, focus on small joys—like the warmth of a cozy blanket, the beauty of holiday lights, or the taste of your favorite seasonal treat—while allowing space for sadness, anger, or anxiety if they arise. Both gratitude and authenticity can coexist.
9. Give Yourself Permission to Say No
Remember, you are not obligated to please everyone or adhere to every tradition. If attending certain events or engaging with particular family members is too taxing, it’s okay to decline. Saying no can be an act of self-care and strength.
Final Thoughts
Navigating holiday stress and trauma around family requires self-awareness, preparation, and self-compassion. By understanding your triggers, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a holiday experience that feels more manageable and meaningful. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being. The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is peace.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Kathy Giles Licensed Associate Professional Counselor
Kathy finds deep joy in connecting with people as they pursue healing and wholeness in their lives through facing their fears, learning how to regulate their emotions, and being empowered to thrive in their journey. She leverages her life experience and education to attune to the needs of clients and determine what interventions might best guide her clients toward healing. Kathy has a strong attachment mindset and views the world through a trauma-informed lens. She believes the most impactful part of therapy is the bond created in the counseling room.