Helping Kids Cope with Grief and Loss Around the Holidays
The holiday season is often associated with joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for children dealing with grief and loss, this time of year can be difficult and confusing.
The holiday season is often associated with joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for children dealing with grief and loss, this time of year can be difficult and confusing. Memories of loved ones who have passed, family traditions that feel incomplete, the absence of a parent due to separation or divorce, or witnessing grief experienced by others can create feelings of sadness and isolation. Children may also still experience some of the excitement of the holidays despite their grief, leading to further confusion or even guilt or shame. Helping them to navigate the complexity of grief during the holidays requires sensitivity, patience, and understanding.
Listen
It seems extremely simple, but it is really important to allow the child to talk about whatever they wish. It helps to keep the lines of communication open by telling them that they can talk to you about anything at any time. Let them know that you care in both words and actions.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Grieving children may feel a wide array of emotions. It is crucial to acknowledge their feelings without judgment and let them know there is not one way or a right way to grieve. Grief is complex, and children may experience a mix of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even moments of happiness. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they do. Phrases like “It’s okay to miss them” or “Your feelings are valid” can provide comfort and reassurance. Avoid forcing them to feel cheerful just because it’s the holiday season.
Maintain Open Communication
Encourage your child to talk about their emotions and memories of the loss. Create an environment where they feel safe expressing themselves. Ask for their input on how they want to celebrate the holiday. If they’re not ready to talk, provide alternative outlets such as drawing, writing, or engaging in a creative activity that helps them process their feelings and needs.
Honor the Memory of Lost Loved Ones
Together with the child, incorporate traditions or gestures that honor a person who has passed. This might include lighting a candle, creating an ornament in their memory, cooking a favorite dish they loved, or sharing stories about them. These acts can help children feel connected to their loved one while providing a sense of continuity and comfort.
Adapt Traditions
Grief can make familiar holiday traditions feel overwhelming. Be open to adjusting plans to meet your child’s emotional needs. If an activity feels too painful, consider modifying it, putting it on hold, or introducing a new tradition. For example, instead of the usual big family gathering, a quiet night at home watching a favorite holiday movie might feel more manageable.
Create a Safe Space for Fun
Children often feel guilty about experiencing joy after a loss. Reassure them that it’s okay to have fun and laugh, even while grieving. In separation or divorce, encourage them to enjoy and create memories even in moments when you can’t be with them. Introduce lighthearted activities they enjoy, such as decorating cookies, crafting, or playing games, to create moments of levity.
Seek Support
Sometimes, professional help is necessary to guide children through the grieving process. Therapists can provide valuable tools and coping strategies tailored to a child’s age and developmental stage. Support groups for kids experiencing loss can also be a helpful resource, offering connection and understanding with others navigating similar circumstances.
Practice Self-Care
Caring for a grieving child during the holidays can be emotionally taxing. Remember to care for yourself as well, as your well-being directly impacts your ability to support them. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network, whether that’s friends, family, or professionals.
Looking Forward
While the holidays may never feel the same after a loss, they can still be meaningful. By fostering open communication, honoring loved ones, and adjusting expectations, you can help your child navigate the complexity of their grief and find moments of peace and connection. Over time, these small steps can help rebuild a sense of hope and create new, meaningful memories for the future.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Kathy Giles Licensed Associate Professional Counselor
Kathy finds deep joy in connecting with people as they pursue healing and wholeness in their lives through facing their fears, learning how to regulate their emotions, and being empowered to thrive in their journey. She leverages her life experience and education to attune to the needs of clients and determine what interventions might best guide her clients toward healing. Kathy has a strong attachment mindset and views the world through a trauma-informed lens. She believes the most impactful part of therapy is the bond created in the counseling room.