Therapist Tips: Navigating a New Relationship around the Holidays
Navigating a new relationship around the holidays can be both exciting and a little tricky. On the one hand, it’s a time filled with joy, warmth, and shared experiences, but on the other hand, it can bring up expectations and pressures, especially when you're still getting to know each other. This article explores the joys that this time of year may bring as well as the challenges new couples face, why the gift-giving issue brings tension, and how new couples can manage stress during the holidays.
Here are some tips to help make it a positive experience for both individuals
1. Set Realistic Expectations
Communicate openly about how you both feel about spending time together during the holidays. If one of you is really excited about all the festivities and the other is a bit overwhelmed, that’s important to address.
The holidays often come with pressure to “do it all,” but it’s okay to be realistic. It's better to do a few things that feel meaningful than to overwhelm yourselves trying to meet every expectation.
Setting clear boundaries, even from the beginning of a relationship, can prove to be a helpful tool in clearly communicating wants and needs.
2. Start with Low-Key Celebrations
If you’re not ready to dive into major holiday traditions or spend long hours with each other's families, suggest smaller, more relaxed activities, like watching a holiday movie together, baking cookies, or enjoying a quiet dinner. This keeps things fun without feeling too intense.
3. Talk About Traditions
Share what each of you enjoys about the holidays, whether it’s a special food, activity, or tradition. This can create an opportunity to bond and learn about each other’s background and culture. If you both celebrate different holidays, it could be a chance to explore and introduce each other to new traditions.
When we work with couples, we often talk about “building love maps.” Talking about traditions and enjoyable holiday memories can help to edify the relationship, and can contribute to building a solid foundation.
4. Incorporate Both of Your Needs
If your relationship is still fresh, it’s important to respect each other’s comfort zones. For example, if one of you has a big family gathering and the other feels overwhelmed by that, it’s okay to find a compromise, like attending part of the event or spending some time with just each other afterward.
5. Avoid Major Relationship Milestones (Unless You’re Both Ready)
The holidays can be a magical time, but don’t feel pressured to rush things or define the relationship in a big way if you're not there yet. It’s okay to enjoy each other’s company and let the relationship develop naturally, without any need for labels or future planning unless you both want that.
6. Be Mindful of Gift-Giving
Gifts can be tricky when you’re just starting out. If you’re unsure whether to exchange gifts, keep it light and thoughtful. A small gesture—like a favorite book, a homemade treat, or a fun experience—can feel more personal and less stressful than a big, expensive gift. If you’re uncertain, it’s perfectly fine to just be clear about keeping things low-pressure.
7. Keep Communication Open
Relationships thrive on communication, and the holiday season can create stress for all kinds of reasons. Stay attuned to each other’s moods and needs, and check in to make sure you’re both enjoying the time together.
8. Create New Traditions Together
Starting a new holiday tradition together can be a fun and meaningful way to bond. Whether it's a specific holiday activity, a favorite meal, or even just a cozy evening of reflection, creating something unique can help set the tone for the relationship going forward.
9. Manage Family Dynamics
Meeting each other’s families or being introduced to friends during the holidays can be a big step. If you’re not ready for a family dinner or group gatherings, have a candid conversation with your partner about how you both feel. You don’t have to rush into meeting everyone, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
10. Enjoy the Moment
Ultimately, the holidays are about connecting, having fun, and sharing experiences. Try to relax and enjoy the special moments with each other, without overthinking what the future holds or worrying about doing everything "right." Enjoy the fun and lighthearted moments, and let the relationship grow at its own pace.
What Challenges Do New Couples Face Over the Holidays
Although it’s assumed the holidays are the happiest and most joyous time of the year, for many that expectation is far from true. Based on a 2021 survey, three out of every five people feel their mental health is adversely affected by the holidays.1The main challenges that make it tricky for those embarking on a new relationship during the holiday season involve stress, anxiety, fear, family dynamics, and communication challenges.
It is also safe to say, that in the beginning of a relationship, couples may struggle with the uncertainty of whether or not they want to spend the holidays together. You many even find yourself losing sleep over whether or not you invite your significant other to spend the holidays with you. Some questions to ask yourself about the appropriateness of the situation might be:
Do your friends and family know about them and vice versa?
Can you trust this person?
Do they care about your wellbeing?
Have they already introduced you to their friends and significant people in their life?
Have they demonstrated they want to a long-term relationship?
Does your partner want to spend the holiday with your you and family?
Is so, then you could invite this person to your family home. If they decline, they still might care about you, but it might be too early for them to formally meet the whole family.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Kristen Shoemaker MAEd, LPC, CPCS | Founder and Owner
Since 2004, Kristen has been walking alongside individuals as they begin to uncover the larger story taking place all around and inside them. Watching God use brokenness to move people toward redemption and wholeness is one of Kristen’s greatest privileges as a therapist.